Journaling

Sept 23, 2017

Hey Everyone!

I know a while back I talked about my anxiety and then disappeared for a month. I am fine, I was/ still am very busy and at the time I thought “Somethings gotta give.” After a month I realized that it can’t be the blog- it has to be something I don’t like that I’m forcing myself to keep doing. So, I quit my job- 1 of them. I know it’s the same job I’ve been trying to quit for a while, only now I have an exact quit date and found people to replace me. I’m thrilled because now I can officially be done and gone before Mexico!

Anyways, the thing I said last time about my anxiety is that I am a writer. I love writing; it soothes me. Whenever I feel any kind of emotion- I write. It’s what I use to soothe my anxiety and get rid of feelings of failure, sadness, anger, but also it reminds me of the times I am happy! On bad days, I read about the good times and it makes me happier. Now I know everyone is different and it becomes tedious to some, or some people don’t get the same joy out of it and that’s fine! But, for anyone who thinks they’re a bad writer and can’t do it- you’re wrong! You can and also who cares! Over time you’ll get better if anyways. Also, I want to add that any form is fine. Personally, I like to physically write it out, but typing, or video blogs, etc work just the same!

So how did I get started on writing? When I was in grade 6, I got a book for Christmas. It was pink and flowery and surprisingly my favorite because I was such a tom boy. I was at my aunt and uncle’s farm in Saskatchewan, Canada and had the time of my life feeding all of the animals! I wanted to keep talking about it, bit I have told everyone! So- I took my fancy new sparkly gel pens and started a journal writing about all my best moments and experiences. Who knew that 13 years later I would still be journaling! Not only was I able to say anything I wanted, but its been a complete account for my life! Some good memories, , some bad- but my life for 13 years has been documented!

When I got to jr. high, I struggled with my anxiety and even started to self medicate. Journaling helped because when I would read back, I realized I hated what I was doing and it was one of the reasons I stopped.

Journaling has always given me a freedom to say what I want, when I want, without consequence. This is good! If I’m frustrated with someone or something, I can write it out and feel better without hurting anyone’s feelings or causing problems and I am able to let it go after. Sometimes I can go back and make a plan about what my next step is in an emotional situation. This way I can write out my frustrations and then make a rational rather than emotional reaction. It’s also just fun! I used to get journals for Christmas and I love buying them. I make a day out of it. I got to Chapters, buy new fancy pens, and a new pretty book, and go over to Starbucks, and start writing and drinking my fancy drinks.IMG_0224

I also just love reading my stuff from when I was a kid. I had some hilarious problems! From the boy crushes to the stories- hilarious. I also have memories from all of these trips I went on with my family! What’s funny too is that you can probably find every score for every single one of my brother’s hockey and soccer games! I LOVED going! It was one of my favorite things to do! As for my sister- her cheerleading and dance competitions were noted later on!

The new thing that’s out is bullet journaling- that looks so much fun! I never had the time to keep up with one, but I would love to start! Pinterest is definitely a great resource for starting! IMG_0225

You’re never too young or old to journal. Society gives off this image of moody teenagers angrily writing and people breaking that person’s privacy by reading to check in. Here’s my opinion about that: 1. You don’t have to use it for just problems. It’s a good way to document your life. Don’t worry about age. It’s for anyone and it records the good and the bad times. I’ve written daily about trips, games, good books, quotes to live by, good memories, movies I loved. But I’ve also written about the bad times to help me out- now these problems seem like nothing! Especially guys! I’ve definitely looked back and been like wtf was I thinking- even about the most recent! 2. It can be as private or as public as you want it to be. I’m still going through my 20s. The years of crossroads, anxiety about the future, and confusion about me making the right choices. Currently, it’s private. But one day I want it to be public to maybe my future kids can learn about me!

So write! And let me know what you think!

-Erin xo

Learning to Cook

Cooking. Cooking has never been my thing! If we could go back and look at all of the meals I’ve ever made in my life, you would see that I have a long history of burning recipes. It doesn’t even matter if I am cooking or baking, it’s not a good track record.

I would like to get better. I always feel bad, because my family has always been good at cooking! My dad is amazing. He isn’t a chef, but when he gets time to, he is amazing at it. He puts his own spin on various kinds of recipes and will remake certain recipes, changing it each time until it’s perfected. Some of the things he tries are misses, but that is pretty rare now. My grandma is also a good cook as well. Since she has retired, she spends most of her time watching cooking shows or trying out new recipes as well. She always cooks with extremely fresh vegetable- most coming from her garden.

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Why have I never gotten into cooking? I have no idea. I just know that I shy away, because I know that I am not really that good at it. I also don’t make time or put myself out there to get better at it. I just don’t get how chefs taste something and are like you know what, this would pair really well with this. HOW CAN YOU TELL!

This is something that I have been wanting to try for a while. I wanted to get a book of recipes together that I like and work for me. Currently, I am building a recipe book for myself. I am going to use a variety of sources. I have Pinterest for days I’m stuck, I have old family recipes, such as homemade perogies, and I have my parents overflowing recipe book cabinet (and of course the library for more options). I plan on calling this section Pinterest Successes 2.0. A while back, my brother’s girlfriend and her sister and friends added me to a Pinterest group called Pinterest Successes. In the group, everyone shares what recipes worked for them. I would love to do the same, but blog form! However, the first few might not be successes until I get better at it though! 😉 ( I will definitely let you know if I failed, and also I will let you know where the recipe came from as well!)

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This should be interesting! I’m hoping by the end I have a ton of new recipes and options to choose from, and please give me recipe and food advice whenever you can! It would be much appreciated! What are your favourite cookbooks? Favourite sites for recipes? What kinds of foods should I try out?

 

– Erin xo

Exercise Update

Hey lovely people,

I wanted to give you guys an update about how life on a diet and exercise is going currently. UM it’s going horribly! I haven’t been following the plan, because the plan IS HARD. It’s hard to not overeat, and to restrict my diet THIS much all at once. It’s even hard to find the time to workout or plan a meal! Today is my first day off in 20 days…. ya that is telling you something right there. I’m also freaking out, because I have 69 days until I go to Mexico! That is not a lot my friends! Time to really get down too it!

Alright so here’s my list of bad things I’ve been doing:

  1. Not Exercising
  2. Drinking TOO much coffee
  3. Not eating enough healthy meals
  4. Have not been glutten free or vegetarian
  5. Not getting enough sleep

On the other hand, here is my list of pros:

  1. When I eat out I drink water and eat as vegetarian as possible
  2.  I have been eating a lot of veggies lately (around 4 cups which is way more than usual), I’ve been snacking on it way more
  3. I’ve been managing my stress a lot better
  4. I have been waking up a lot earlier, but I’m still going to bed too late
  5. I’m drinking more water

So I do have a bit of a plan. Recently I quit 1/4 of my jobs- this one is the most stressful and I realized I don’t really need it! I’ll be done as of the end of the month! This means I will have WAY more time to myself. I’m also going on vacation this week, so that I can do something other than work for a week AND it’ll be a healthy vacation as well (more on this later).

I truly think that the best way to get on track is to meal plan. I haven’t been doing this at all, because I have been so busy. I think if I do this and prep all of my meals that’ll force me to eat healthy and change up my diet. I don’t mind eating healthy- I love it! I just haven’t had the time, so I’m hoping this helps! I feel like time is the biggest thing for me. Once I manage my time better I will have fast easy meals for when I am on the go, I will have more time for exercising, and I think more time to sleep at proper times! Maybe once I’m rested too I will feel more motivated as well!

Here’s hoping! Any advice would be wonderful as well!

Love you guys!

-Erin xo

Anxiety

Hi Dear Readers,

One reason for starting this blog was to be able to express myself and to write about whatever I wanted to. I wanted to use this space as a place where I could come to heal when times are tough. I’ve always found writing to be healing. Throughout my experience on here, I have written different articles that have helped me accept different pieces of my past or present. I have found that I’ve completely stopped thinking about them because they are at peace now! So on here, I feel like it’s time that I talk about my anxiety that I have had for many years.

I don’t remember when it all began, because it’s been such a big part of my life for so long that it feels like I’ve had more anxious moments than non- anxious. What’s kept my head afloat for all of these years is that I have an amazing support system! And I mean amazing! I am VERY close with my family. I can call anyone of them at any time and they will listen and give me the god honest truth. My friend’s have also been supportive. My best friend and I talk openly about our mental health. It’s apart of our daily conversations it seems. It’s like we check in with each, especially after either one of us has an episode. Like “hey how are you feeling now?.” This is all very important to both of us, because it is non-judgemental, and we are free to talk about whatever we want. We each have moments where we just break down and contact each other for moral support. This happens anytime/ anywhere. The other day she messaged me about how it was extremely important that she talk to face-to- face about something making her anxious. The time before that I had a panic attack and needed help. The point is, is that I have a good support group where I feel like I can talk about anything and no one will judge me. I’m not uncomfortable saying what I’m anxious about to anyone in my support system- I just know it’s something that has to be done. I also write. All the time. I have kept journals for years, and in every single one, I have talked for pages and pages about what’s making me anxious, sad, unhappy, whatever. I re-read them too. This way I can see what is it that is making me anxious, and then when I can target it, I write out my plan of attack. Like ok here’s a list of things I’m going to do to make this situation better. But most times it just feels good to write it all out. It’s checking in with yourself and the motion of actually writing versus typing or talking is soothing.

What do I get anxious about? It can literally be about anything. Here’s some of my day-to-day stuff:

  1. Time- I think a lot of people struggle with this. I sometimes feel like I struggle with all forms of time. Sometimes, I’m worried I’m going to late to work, so I start chewing my nails, fidgeting, yelling at traffic, speeding, etc. Sometimes it’s about age. Things like “ Oh my god I’m this old now and look where I’m at, I have no idea what I want, I work a crappy minimum wage job, when will my life start, am I getting to old for certain things, time is going by too fast, I’ll never be able to accomplish everything I had intended too, time is going fast and my dogs are getting older to fast which is worrying (this thought ALWAYS makes me cry), what if I die too soon? My parents and siblings are getting older. See? Time is worrying and scary and sometimes the anxiety I get worrying about it is crippling and other times I feel like I can push it away, distract myself.

2- Social Anxiety while being more of an extrovert. Yup. You’re probably thinking um what? Here’s the deal. I love meeting knew people! I find that I actually hate being alone most of the time! I always have my dogs, my family, or friends around. I do need sometime to myself to think about me, but I really don’t crave it that much. I love to go out and hang with people. I love sitting in cafes, or anything like that if I’m working. I love sitting with people in the same room at home doing our own thing, but still enjoying being around each other. However, I have social anxiety a lot of the time as well. Like I said, I love meeting people, but when I do, I get all weird and quiet and I completely change myself. I get anxiety about them not liking me for me. Will they be ok with how I look? What I’m wearing? Why is my voice sound emotionless and quiet? Why can’t I look them in the eye? With Dudes: Are they going to secretly be a serial killer? What if I like them and then they hurt me? What if this is all for nothing? What if they don’t like how I look- no they probably don’t? Is this me flirting? HOW DO I EVEN FLIRT? What if we sex? Am I even good at that anymore? Like what if they hate it though with me? What if they just want sex? Are they out of my league? What if I am alone forever? How do I even meet normal people? Oh god why are they messaging me? What if it gets awkward on a date, what do I say? This is just some of the stuff I can think of. In a relationship with a guy: do they like me? Do they still like me? Do they still like me?! What if they hate me? What if I made them super angry? How do I fix this problem that isn’t actually there that I invented? It’s worse with guys, girls I can relate to and I know I’m awesome at friendship- although there are still those people you are like friendship wise you might be out of my league, like you wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out with someone like me.

3- Irrational Fears- I have a lot of these VERY dumb fears that I shouldn’t even take time out of my day to stress over, but I do. Here’s an example, my parents went away last week so I watched the house. The whole time I was stressing about a break in and someone killing me. Every time my dogs went outside I locked the doors, but then I was like I would hate it more if they hurt them so I watched them out there the whole time, I locked the bathroom doors in case someone were to walk in while I was showering. I locked the door to my parents bedroom at night, so that I would be safe in there- just another lock for someone to get through if they broke in, any noise- I would mute and listen, I double and triple checked to make sure doors were locked. The list goes on for what I could be afraid of.

So, the last thing I wanted to talk about, because the post is SO long, is how I can tell when my anxiety is bad. Alright, so here’s what happens to me:

  1. I chew all of my nails off.
  2. I pull all of my hangnails off and pick at the skin until my fingers are bleeding.
  3. I’ve stopped writing.
  4. I anxiously cry a lot and may also hyperventilate
  5. My jaw is sore from grinding my teeth
  6. When was the last time I talked to someone again?
  7. I am fidgeting- I can’t focus on anything or I do in short spurts as in I’ll think about a lot of different things at once
  8. When you talk to me, I’m zoned out and not listening OR I’m talking to much about too many different topics
  9. I’m not really sleeping that well, and I’m hungry
  10. I’m irritated easily

All of these I don’t know I’m doing at the time, but when my fingers are sore and bleeding or my jaw hurts, it kicks in about what I’m doing and that I need to write or talk to someone asap.

I’m proud of how far I have come. I have tried different coping mechanisms over the years- some including self medication- and I have had some major downs. But it’s ok, because I learned the hard way and broke through to the other side! I’ve begun to learn how I can make my break through some of these fears and anxious moments. Sometimes you have to just act before you overthink. My gut is usually right, so I’ve been trusting that a lot more before I get the chance to overthink. Sometimes I can’t help the anxiety. So when I get to that point, other people or myself pick up on one or more of those 10 signs and talk it out to me or I talk it out/write it out. I also have some other things I do: yup I am a proud owner of a fidget cube- this helps me focus and also gives my hands something to do- especially if I am driving (I have a horrible habit of unlocking and locking my phone for no reason, or changing the radio station 30 million times even if I like the song playing), I get gel nails- these are unchewable! And also I’m less likely to pick the skin around my nails (sorry for the graphic details),I take a day or evening and relax using face masks and bath bombs, I instantly start writing, I usually message someone to talk or just meet someone to even hangout with- we don’t have to talk about my problem, but having someone there is what makes it easier for me. I have something soft on my bed. I used to sleep with a teddy bear for SO long and yes you guys can all judge and think it’s weird but having something soft was soothing. After it turned into soft blankets and now my dogs. People check it out! Texture was HUGE for me, and I realized that it helps me get to sleep to pet my dogs or have a nice fuzzy blanket. Sound is too. I have to listen to music and belt things out! Take the time to sing a song very off key!

Anyways, I really hope this page has helped you out in anyway! If you’re in a bad place, please seek help. You can get through this even if you feel like you can’t, and maybe those words aren’t comforting because you can’t control what’s happening to you, but that’s ok. I’m just speaking the truth to you and sometimes it’s nice to hear.

-Erin

Put Your Back Into It

Hey Guys!

I hope you are doing fabulous! Today I wanted to talk a bit about back pain! I know, so exciting.

Basically, I have been doing a lot of physically draining things at my different jobs, and most of time it would be ok, however, this week it seems to have taken a toll on my body! On thursday, I went to lift a very heavy object at work, and I felt a not so great fatigue and pain in my back. I lifted three more objects and it seemed to be ok, however, I then went to a concert and after standing all night in bad shoes, my back felt unbearable. The next day, I still felt some soreness, but I thought that maybe this was just some muscle weakness and I worked all day again to come home to more pain. Again, I worked a different job today that involved a ton of walking and now my back seems to be just as sore. So currently, I am sitting in my bed surrounded by pillows using heat and trying to figure out how to fix this.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because we need to stop for a minute and listen to our bodies. We live in such a fast paced environment that sometimes we forget to check in with ourselves and things get missed. We ignore our bodies and sometimes we get more injured, or we get sick when a lot of this could be avoided.

When it comes to my current situation, I have realized a few things that might help my fellow back pain people! One thing my dad told me was that your back is not a great thing to hurt. Please, don’t hurt any part of yourself, but your back is not fun. When you throw your back out you can’t move, you are stuck laying in one place and you can’t turn your body and it’s insanely hard to maneuver yourself! So here’s some fun information on how to help your back pain!

  1. When lifting ANYTHING heavy, DO NOT bend over it and pick it up! Use those legs! You need to squat down and pick it up and use your leg muscles. This puts less of a strain on your body! When I lifted those heavy objects at work, that was my problem. I didn’t use my legs to assist my back and I tweaked it in some painful way.
  2. Workout. By exercising, you’re strengthening your muscles, so they have less of a chance of being tweaked and pulled. Focus on your core specifically. When your core is strong, it helps to support and take more of the brunt work for your back.

These are the big ones for prevention, but here is what to do that might help your pain.

  1. Have a hot bath with Epson salts. This will help relax your muscles and you! Your muscles will feel less tense. When one part of your body is sore, you might be limping or standing funny, and the rest of your body takes a toll, because it is trying to compensate for this new balance and weight shift. With a bath or hot tub, your whole body will feel less tense. One of the disabled individuals I work with has really bad scoliosis and she sits in front of water jets to massage those muscles as well. She feels so much more relaxed and her muscles are feeling way better after!
  2. Put any form of heat on your back. I love the smell and feel of A535, so that is my go to for a healing lotion, but anything like that will help, because it is putting heat on your back and relaxing those muscles. I also suggest a heating pad as well! Those beaded ones you put in the mircowave are magical
  3. If you feel like your body can handle it, than stretch. Do some yoga poses, or just stretch out. You need to begin to move your body slowly. Your body will become stiff after from sitting a certain way to not move it. That weakens those muscles and others because of the compensation thing I was talking about, but also you stop using those muscles properly and they become weak and you are more prone to hurting it again- but it will be easier to hurt it now as well.

These are all very important drug free methods! I don’t recommend using medication unless your doctor says it’s ok. I feel like the key to fixing your back method is to treat for long term, versus just a short term relief. Strengthening those muscles are truly key!

Well, I hope you guys are not in any pain like I am, but if you are I hope this helps for your temporary back pain! Stay tuned, my next article will give an update on how the diet and workouts are going!

P.S: Here is a picture of my dog to help you through any pain you might be having! He is so cute!

– Erin

A life of Fitness

Hi Dear Readers!

I hope you are having a fantastic day! It is beautiful outside here in Alberta, Canada! Today, I wanted to talk a bit about fitness. In particular my fitness. As most of you know from previous posts, my friend and I decided on a trip to Mexico! It has been years since I have taken a trip and not had to work! Also, just to hang out and not do anything! I am extremely excited!

However, the trip has me nervous. As anyone going through what I am going through, my body image affects me all of the time. I am not confident in bathing suits. I feel overweight and I know i have big, red, and ugly stretch marks. I would feel more confident if they were from childbirth- an amazing reason to have stretch marks. When it comes down to it, its disappointment in myself. I used to be such an active person, and somewhere along the way I lost that and gained this weight out of no where- it feels. It was like one day I really looked at myself and was like what happened? I then was so used to this all over the place routine my life is, that I never was able to get to the place I wanted to with my weight. I feel like I keep getting worse instead of better, because I lack the time.

So, here is my plan. I have 94 days until Mexico. I am going to try my hardest to lose as much weight as possible, in the healthiest way possible! I have decided that during the week I am going to go glutten free, and eat vegetarian lunches and breakfasts (suppers are too difficult while still living at home, however, they can still be healthy!). When I eat out, it’s going to be as vegetarian as possible. Fast food is out. Sundays are a cheat day, and a mental health focused day. So more tasks dedicated to my mental well being- doing things for me, restorative yoga, etc. For my workouts: at least 4x a week is good enough for an hour minimum; my fitbit needs to hit 10 000 steps a day, and if I do not feel like the gym is going to happen that day then a long walk with my dogs or switching the day up will be fine. I figured that I would give an update every second week and let you know how I’m mentally coping to finding time, creating a routine, and if I’ve stuck to the plan at all!

What I will say is this. I want to lose weight, because I know that my mental health, and physical health will change drastically when I focus on my health and fitness. My goal is to feel better about myself. This does not mean that I want to be the skinniest or have a 6 pack again. I just want to look and feel healthy. I want to be the perfect weight for my height. That is it. I want to make changes to my diet and exercise that keeps me healthy for years to come! Diabetes and Heart disease is prominent in my family, and I’ve seen what they do. I don’t want that. If I don’t lose any weight than Mexico will have to have an accept me as I am body, instead of a summer body ;)!

– Erin

Breakfast At Red’s

Hey Guys,

So recently I ventured out to Calgary! It was probably one of the worst trips I’ve ever been on because it was for work and it was a very difficult work trip. However, I will be back to Calgary to have a better experience- because it is a very beautiful place! One of the things I did enjoy about this particular trip was that I came across a very good diner! Red’s Diner is downtown, and has plenty of regular and vegan options as well.

I loved the vibe that it has! It’s a small room, but has a great vibe! A brick room with metal chairs and tables and a large bar, it’s one of those places that keeps you coming back. My friend and I were talking about restaurants yesterday, and we both had mentioned that places like Remedy were great! Anyone could feel free to hang out for a lengthy amount of time and not be rushed out. The food is delicious and they have beers if you are looking to go for drinks with friends too. This place definitely has that vibe!

So I was doing the driving- no drinks for Erin, however, I did get a cappuccino and I can say that is was one of the better ones that I have had! I’ve been drinking them so much that I can now differentiate really well between which ones are good and which places have bad ones! It also came in a mug that looked like I would drink out of at home- which I loved.

I also got an Eggs Benedict! Very good! It’s hard to find a place with good hollandaise sauce! I still would say that I have had better, however it is in the top 5 for sure! The potatoes were extra crisp, and it did come with toast and fruit. Overall, it was a large breakfast, but very good! I so enjoyed it! It gave me the energy to finish up the trip and drive home after that is for sure!

I would recommend this place. The prices were good and it has that great hangout place vibe!

-Erin

A Day Off

Hey Lovely Readers!

I hope you guys had an awesome weekend! I know I did! Especially since I celebrated Canada’s 150th birthday! Happy Birthday Canada!

For my post today, I just wanted to talk a bit about my day off! I haven’t had a dayoff in 16 days…. I know it’s terrible! BUT now I’m feeling way better. I do want to emphasize how important it is to have your weekends off. And I mean completely off. Do not take your work home with you. Leave it there. If you feel like you need to get caught up, I usually give myself a max of 3 hours to work on work or homework, then take the rest of the day off. I normally do this, but the last couple weeks I forgot to do this and give myself time. When I do, do work or homework during this time period, I try to remove myself from my home situation. This way I can fully concentrate and either have some good food, coffee, or just sit at the library working.

Anyways, my day off was amazing. I watched Harry Potter…. again! I did some drawing. I Sorry to all my friends and family, but when my phone died, I took that as an opportunity to leave it plugged in, in my room and sat ignoring it. I had gotten so many crazy emails and texts from work that I decided that I was better without looking at it at all. I also am CRAZY breaking out right now, because I haven’t been doing my full beauty routine, SO I took this time to do a facemask and paint my nails- really relax. I just felt so refreshed and recharged! This allowed me to think deeply about a lot of things and write out my problems. I had free time to myself to feel better and so the next day I could come up with tasks to tackle the problems of the next week. This is super important to do! I cannot stress enough that your mental health is important!

For all you over- workers and school procrastinators- I do not recommend trying to do everything at once. I do this all the time! I do a two week stressful stint, and by the end I felt disgusting from using too much dry shampoo, sick because I spent my whole time worrying and stressed, tired because I hadn’t had proper sleep, and bloated because my diet suffered as well. When you are over- stressed, your body takes a toll to. Remember that. Your work, ideas, and even how you react to things are so much different and more clear when you’ve slept, and eaten properly. I also suffer from some bad anxiety, when I get over- worked, so I recommend making lists. I may make 3 different lists, but it keeps me calm and allows me to have a plan of attack. I feel better when I write it down and remember versus just having anxious and an overfilled brain full of things I need to do.

I hope this helps you! If you need too, copy my day off! Put in a good movie, do a facemask and put your feet up! You deserve it!

-Erin

 

Lucky Duck

Hi Dear Readers!

Well, you got through Monday! There’s enough motivation for you, am I right?! I’ve had a very long day today, but can’t really complain. I’ve been staring at these beautiful mountains all day today! I’m here for work, so it’s not as fun as I know it could be, but still good!

So, I wanted to talk a bit about bad luck. Lately, it seems like I have an abundance of bad luck and I’m waiting for that moment to arrive where I get on this really great streak of good luck, but it never seems to come.

Within this month I broke my cell phone, got a flat tire (completely destroyed- so new tire Erin’s way!), got a speeding ticket, overbooked myself work wise that I haven’t had a day off in a month or so,  spilt water on my schedule planner so now I have no idea what shifts I work because it is so destroyed, still haven’t gotten paid so I’m currently still very broke- not in debt yet thank god, have been working with the most stubborn individuals, have A TON of work drama between co workers and the job itself, have friend issues, have family issues, have self esteem issues, have anxiety about a job I feel like I’m incapable of doing, and on and on the list goes. It really seems like I’m in a pit of despair right now trying to get out.

What I want to say, is this: bad luck doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as luck. These are a few bad things within recent months that are actually not that bad on the grand scale of things. They will fix themselves up eventually. Some things just come naturally with time, others are just the sudden realization that maybe this isn’t the job or atmosphere that I want to work in. But here’s the thing- and I said this in my last post too- take a step back, re-evaluate. Is something making you happy? Sad? Angry? How can the situation be resolved? Is it something that maybe you actually need to quit, or change sceneries? But remember above all else. It’s just a couple bad days. A couple bad days where that is all you’re focusing on. There was probably so much more going on that you really enjoyed about that day, but you’re not seeing it because something “unlucky” happened.

These are all reminders for myself too. Because, although all of this has happened, there have been very good days too, and things I have loved. What I do when I get in situations like this, is I start writing. It really helps me. I just start with my day, talk about the good and the bad. Next I start writing about how I’m going to make it better. Is there something that I really hate that I need to move on from? Did I create the drama? Am I involved? How can I change it, so this doesn’t happen again in the future? Have I been really emotional lately? Why am I feeling that way- junk food? Not enough exercise? Too much work? Lack of hobbies? The list goes on my friends. Just take a breath and rethink the situation. If it helps, type or write it down like me! It’s why I started the blog! I knew people were going through the same thing as me and thought maybe we can help each other stay motivated!

Happy Monday, hope this helps you feel more motivated to being more happy!

– Erin

Grad 2017

Hey Lovely Babes!

Well it is official! I have graduated my bachelor of arts with a major in archaeology and a minor in psychology!

Today, I just wanted to say some words about my graduating before signing off for the night. Also, I did not go to my grad because I didn’t know a ton of people! I loved celebrating with my family. I accomplished something amazing, but I would never have gotten there if they hadn’t helped me through it emotionally and sometimes financially. They’re the reasons for all of my accomplishments! The next degree I do, I will go to the grad. I just thought this time I would celebrate at home ❤️ 

University was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and a lot of people do not get it. When I started university, I did not get accepted into my program of choice, so I went to another university to take a few courses there before transferring over. I did a year there and decided wow I dislike this program so much, why am I trying to get into it (teaching)? The next thing I did was attempt to transfer into nursing. I just would jump from program to program trying to find where I fit in. The truth is, is that I was not doing great in my courses. I was doing ok, but not good enough to get into an extremely competitive program. I was devastated every rejection letter I got. But if I’m being completely honest, I was not trying hard enough. I was so lost and did not know what direction to go so I was latching onto anything that sounded remotely interesting.

Two things began to happen in my second last year. One, I began working at the hospital and second, I got accepted into a program for archaeology in Italy. When I began to work some of these jobs- whether it was a real job or job shadowing- I began to realize that they weren’t for me. It wasn’t until I went to a counsellor who told me to focus on the degree I was in now, that I began to really take it seriously. I learned which courses I loved and which ones I really hated. This all helped to develop who I am. I went to Italy, and fell in love with that profession and really began to work towards it for the first time.

As much as I complained about the whole degree, I secretly enjoyed being that crazy overwhelmed and I loved every anthropology course that was thrown my way. I built up relationships with professors in related fields and I began to go to classes more, because I began to enjoy learning. I love my degree. I can go across seas and use it wherever I want and get paid to visit anywhere (anthropology major).

Currently, I am taking a year off of school. As much as I enjoyed it at the end, I really want to figure out who I am and where I fit in the world. I also need a break. I have been going to school since I started kindergarten with no break! That is way too long. I need to know what life is like without school, even if it is just for a year. After my gap year is done, I am going back to learn how to build props! I absolutely LOVED it when I was working with my cousin. I know now that even though I worked crazy long hours with her, I still enjoyed it. Now it seems dumb that I hadn’t thought to go that way! I love art, movies, and theatre- how could I not see this as an option?!

I’m excited for my year to start. I’ve got four trips lined up! Europe, Mexico, and as many trips to the mountains as possible. What I am trying to say to you, is that do not feel disappointed if you’re rejected. Do not get upset if something does not work out. Take a step back and re- evaluate. Maybe something that you thought you loved isn’t what you’re meant to do! Maybe there’s better plans for you! And if it’s something you feel very passionate about then do everything you can to achieve it. But if it is not working for you, then it’s not meant to be. Explore your options. If you’re feeling anxious or confused know that something will work out for you in the end!

To my parents- thank you for absolutely everything. You’re the reason I made it out, and found something new. When I went to Vancouver, they paid for my whole trip to job shadow my cousin to see if it was something I wanted to do. I really needed that, so thank you. Emotionally and financially, they got me through.

Anyways, that was all I wanted to say! Congratulations to any class of 2017! Good luck in your future endeavours!

– Erin